Important: This is a social networking alert, brought to you by the good folks at FateBook.
Great news guys. Starting today, for your increased convenience, we here at FateBook will be sending your Social Security number, a photocopy of your driver's license, close ups of that identifying birthmark, and the current addresses of your last four lovers to the owners of any websites you happen to visit, as well as all the people who have visited those sites in the last 6 years and their yorkshire terriers.
We will also be automatically forwarding all incriminating photos (online or not) of you getting inebriated to any and all prospective employers, so they can see what a fun-loving person you are. Hell, in fact, any sites you just THINK about clicking on are gonna get your info.
We hope these ongoing "tweaks" will streamline and enrich your FB experience. If you want to be a little bitch and opt out of these defaults, simply go to "settings" then punch "options," before clicking on the smaller-than-a proton "opt out" tab and the "I'm a little bitch" button.
Then, frantically un-click as many of the 8,475 boxes as you possibly can before your PC freezes up (conveniently) and you have to try and re-do the whole damn thing, only so we can override your selections anyway when we roll out the next batch of privacy invas--- er, improvements.
Remember, our goal here at Fatebook is to facilitate your online experience and make it more rewarding for YOU! (while trying to figure out some damn way to make this furshlugginer thing profitable already - Krist! You think we give a crap you just ate a ham on rye sandwich???)
(P.S. Click here to tell us how much you "like" these improvements!)
(P.P.S. Come on, you KNOW we're gonna get that info somehow - why don't you just give in now and make it easy on all of us?)