Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Album Reviews I Don't Even Need to Finish Reading, by Glenn Page

"For their fifth album, these indie darlings..."

 "Opening a lyrical vein for the world to see, he not so much sings, but mumbles, his tortured poetry over a muted musical soundscape which creates a rich tapestry of emotional pain and draws the listener further into the depths of..."

 "Combining their unique brand of fizzy alt-pop with the introspective smarts of Brooklyn-esque lo-fi and the savage grace of their post-emo contemporaries..."

 "On this, a welcome return-to-form..."

 "Over the course of nine solemn, dirge-like tracks, the band explores their rustic roots and shared love of Appalachian folklore..."

 "Kicking off the album with a quirky number about your significant other's taste in coffee drinks and favorite authors might seem odd to some, but..."

"Although ostensibly a jam band, their last release was a straight cover, from end-to-end, of Ke$ha's 'Warrior' album. Their latest, arriving a mere two months later, finds the band applying their formidable musical chops to Kenny Rogers, viewing him through a psychedelic prism and re-imagining the country icon's entire back catalog as..."

"Clearly inspired by punk visionaries like Green Day and Blink 182..."

"The pop princess shows us yet again that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, as no less than ten of the twelve songs on her new album rail at ex-lovers who dared..."

"Only two days into January, and already on most critics' lists as a fierce contender for 'best album of the year', no one is likely to top..."

"On edgy new tracks like 'F*ck All Bitches', this brilliant musical satirist turns a funhouse mirror on society and offers up a scathing indictment of consumerist culture..."

"No one can deny the 80s were, by and large, musically barren..."

"To all the naysayers who insist rock is dead, check out this stunning debut by..."

"Abandoning the intricate songcraft and multi-layered beauty that defined the bulk of their earlier work, the band opts for a more 'organic' sound this time around, banging out twelve warts-and-all numbers, most of which evolved from nine hours of jamming on two chords..."

"If Kurt Cobain had lived..."

Credit Card Chip Reader Blues - Do the Chip! by Glenn Page and Jonny Aldrich

For everyone who absolutely HATES those new credit card chip reader machines, I wrote a little blues number called "Do the Chip! (Chip Reader Blues)". Inspiration struck when a woman asked a cashier at the store, "Do you do the chip?" As soon as I heard that, I got right to writing. My friend Jonny and I (under our band name "Addie Dodge") recorded this rough demo of the tune. We may eventually record a "real" version of the song, but in the meantime, we had a lot of fun recording this early take. The lyrics and chords are below so you can follow along. Please be sure to comment and subscribe, and thanks for listening! Sincerely, Glenn

"Do the Chip!" (AKA: "Chip Reader Blues")
by Glenn Page

Performed by
Jonny Aldrich and Glenn Page

Verse 1:
First you put it in the base
Then you pull it out too soon
Then you make an angry face
Wondering what you're s'posed to do
Hey, if you like to wait,
Man this thing is great
You do the chip!
Let's do the chip!

Verse 2:
Well, they say it keeps us safe
But it's really for the banks
And for making people late
TelI Jamie Dimon I said "Thanks!"
Like Russians in the snow
It's art house movie slow
To do the chip!
You do the chip!

Yeah, we're all living on credit
'Cause that's just what they want
And to make sure they're protected
When the whole thing falls apart

Verse 3:
So you put it in the base
Then complain it takes too long
Stare the clerk right in the face
Like he hasn't heard that song
You ain't the head of state,
Hey buddy you can wait
To do the chip!
You do the chip!
It'll drive you crazy,
Do the chip!!!

E - D - A - A

Verse 1:
A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - E

Verse 2:
A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - A - A - A

Bridge 1:
D - D - B - B
D - D - E - E - E

A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - A

Bridge 2:
D - D - B - B
D - D - E - E - E - E

Verse 3:
A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - A

E - D - A - A
E - D - A - A
A - A - A - A
E - D - A - A

Words and Music by Glenn Page, copyright 2016.
Click here to hear "Do the Chip!"

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Mother's Day Song Lyrics: 100,000 Sandwiches

Last year I wrote and recorded a Father's Day song. This year I've been working on a Mother's Day song, but I didn't finish the lyrics in time for the holiday. Here they are. - Glenn

"100,000 Sandwiches"

100,000 sandwiches is what she made
A different sandwich every single day
Ham and swiss or tuna fish with mayonnaise
Your mother made one every single day

She would wake up early every morning
And packed your lunch while you were still in bed
And drew some funny faces without warning
Your friends all saw and you wished you were dead

But 100,000 sandwiches is what she made
A snack or two was tossed in every bag
Non-descript chips, I don't know which, I think they were Lay's
With carrot sticks to balance out your swag

You would save your favorite for the finish
And tried to trade your veggies with your friends
But you would never trade a single minute
Knowing what you know now
If you knew it then

That even when she spread herself too thin
She still got up to do it all again

And 100,000 sandwiches were custom-made
Peanut butter with a little j
Cut in two and crust removed, you had it made
'Cause your mother loved you every single day
Yeah, your mother loved you every single day
100,000 times more than words can say

- Glenn Page, May, 2015

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Song Lyrics: The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

I was recently asked to pen some humorous lyrics for a song about world peace. On the surface, this may seem like it's not that hard, but it's actually trickier than it seems. Humor is not always universal, and, of course, world peace is supposed to be. Plus, world peace is a very serious subject, involving lots of different cultures and beliefs, so it's hard to interject levity into the topic without potentially offending someone. So it was a bit of a challenge.

Still, I figured I'd give it a go. Although I know virtually nothing about sports, I decided to use the recent "DeflateGate" controversy as a starting point. Here's what I came up with.

The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)


The world's a deflated football
Blindly hurtling through space
Will it touch down gently
Or hit Marcia in the face?

The crowds are getting rowdy
Cheering wildly for their teams
Obscenities are flying
Don't even know what that one means

But somehow I know that things will be all right
When the morning comes we'll only see highlights

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
Though we stumble and fumble and generally act lame
Oh it's all
(All, all, all)
Just a game

Verse 2:

The world is a poker table
But the stakes can get too high
It ought to be more friendly
Like a night out with the guys

Sometimes you might get angry
Or call someone a jerk
But the next day it means nothing
When you see them back at work

Pre-Chorus 2:
And somehow I know that things will be all right
Forget that you bet on your wedding ring last night

Chorus 2:
'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
All in with two fours like we've suddenly lost our brains
In the end,
(Don't you know)
It's just a game


And everyone in the world
Is on the same team
The flames on our shirts may look cooler,
But it's the same team

Chorus 3:

And it's all,
Just a game...
Yeah, we're all,
Still the same
Put some air in this ball, we can play with it in the rain
'Cause it's all..
(All all all)
Just a game
Just a game

-Glenn Page, January 2015

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Cleaning Out The Glenn Page Vaults, Part One

Over the next few months I'll be cleaning house, in a way, by posting all kinds of odds and ends which I've never posted before. Mostly this will consist of just posting self-penned lyrics and/or songs which I think are pretty good but which haven't really seen the light of day for various reasons.
The first post consists of the lyrics to my 1995 song "What Silly Children We Are," which, I believe, borrows its title from something the Christian Caroline Fry wrote in the 1800s, but I'm not really sure where I personally picked it up. Maybe in my philosophy classes? Anyway, this song was thematically similar to my other song "Cosmic Orphans", but the viewpoint is much more sympathetic, charitable and far less despairing than that song.
There's music too, but this song was performed publicly only once, at a coffeehouse back in 1995 or so. As of right now, there are no recorded versions, mainly because there were one or two bits I was never very happy with, musically speaking. However, I still kind of like the lyrics, so here they are. 

"Silly Children"
We are always so hard on ourselves
We never give ourselves a break
Living our lives in our personal hells
And never wanting to make mistakes
If only we could look at our lives
From behind a distant star
Maybe we could stop and then finally realize
Oh what silly children we are
Silly children
Silly children we are
Silly children
When you look from afar
And it only takes one change of perception
To send your life in a new direction
Silly children
We are
Sometimes self-righteous and quick to condemn
Common sense is our only defense
Always demanding and so reprimanding
When understanding makes more sense
If only we could look at ourselves
From behind another's eyes
Sisters and brothers when you finally realize
That we're just like children inside
Silly children
Silly children we are
Silly children
When you look from afar
And it only takes one moment's reflection
For everyone to make a deeper connection
Silly children
We are
And every day
We try to learn to grow
So knowing is nothing
And there is nothing to know
Silly children
Silly children
- G. Page, 1995

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Childhood Trauma, The Breakup of the American Family, and "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

As a child, I found the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" particularly disturbing. Here was a song, a mainstream holiday song no less, celebrating and implicitly condoning Kringle-ian infidelity! What the hell! Why is mommy kissing Santa Claus!!! Where's dad??? I don't think it'd be a "laugh" if he saw his wife messing around with some fat dude who's supposed to be delivering toys to well-behaved children! It's even worse because the music is all happy and buoyant like everyone's in on it (except clueless dad) and mom cheating is just the COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD!!! Oh yeah, baby, mom's a cheating hussy! And Santa's a home wrecker!!! WOO HOO!!! Good times everybody! Cue up those horns and pour me some more egg nog!!! What the hell!!! And what about Mrs. Claus alone at the North Pole? Did we just "conveniently" forget about her??? I don't know, I seriously believe this song may have been instrumental in instilling my life-long distrust of people. Of course, now that I'm older and I know what the song is REALLY about (parental fun and games) and what's REALLY going on, well... I think it's even more disturbing.