Tuesday, June 29, 2010

BP's All-New Top Secret Slogans and Ad Campaigns!

In the wake of the massive oil leak in the gulf, we here at NOANBS were fortunate enough to get our hands on top secret BP documents itemizing some of the slogans and ad campaigns the company is reviewing for a forthcoming bid to "clean up" their image. Which one they'll choose is still kinda murky, so here's the whole lot of 'em. Check 'em and tell us what you think while we go and wash the oil off our hands.

* BP - We're not evil, just kinda clueless.

* BP - Scary? This ain't scary. Think about the shark from "Jaws." Now THAT shit is scary.

* BP - Why travel? We're bringing the "Black Sea" to YOU!

* BP - Remember, for pelicans, swimming in oily sludge is kinda like Jello wrestling. Think of it as "Pelican Spring Break."

* BP - We didn't want to have to tell you this, but we're actually trying to kill a ferocious sea monster.

* BP - Keeping the "evil corporation" stereotype alive in ALL your favorite Hollywood movies!

* BP - Shit, can the moon just blow up or something, so we can get off the front page already?

* BP - ...Even a Paris Hilton wardrobe malfunction would bump us to page 8 or so.

* BP - Seriously, we'll take a Larry King nip slip at this point.

* BP - Doing our part to make the Book of Revelations seem less silly everyday.

* BP - Hang on, this is the Book of Revelations? I thought it was our corporate manual...

* BP - Yes, we DO care about the "little people." You know, the ones who only make like 500k a year.

* BP - Hey, we're British! We've got those cool accents and we brought you "Dr. Who" and Emma Peel - that should count for something, right? RIGHT?

* BP - We are so f*cked.