Song Lyrics: The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

I was recently asked to pen some humorous lyrics for a song about world peace. On the surface, this may seem like it's not that hard, but it's actually trickier than it seems. Humor is not always universal, and, of course, world peace is supposed to be. Plus, world peace is a very serious subject, involving lots of different cultures and beliefs, so it's hard to interject levity into the topic without potentially offending someone. So it was a bit of a challenge.


Still, I figured I'd give it a go. Although I know virtually nothing about sports, I decided to use the recent "DeflateGate" controversy as a starting point. Here's what I came up with.

The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

Verse1:

The world's a deflated football
Blindly hurtling through space
Will it touch down gently
Or hit Marcia in the face?

The crowds are getting rowdy
Cheering wildly for their teams
Obscenities are flying
Don't even know what that one means

Pre-Chorus:

But somehow I know that things will be all right
When the morning comes we'll only see highlights

Chorus:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
Though we stumble and fumble and generally act lame
Oh it's all
(All, all, all)
Just a game

Verse 2:

The world is a poker table
But the stakes can get too high
It ought to be more friendly
Like a night out with the guys

Sometimes you might get angry
Or call someone a jerk
But the next day it means nothing
When you see them back at work

Pre-Chorus 2:

And somehow I know that things will be all right
Forget that you bet on your wedding ring last night

Chorus 2:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
All in with two fours like we've suddenly lost our brains
In the end,
(Don't you know)
It's just a game

Bridge:

And everyone in the world
Is on the same team
The flames on our shirts may look cooler,
But it's the same team

Chorus 3:

And it's all,
Just a game...
Yeah, we're all,
Still the same
Put some air in this ball, we can play with it in the rain
'Cause it's all..
(All all all)
Just a game
Just a game

-Glenn Page, January 2015

New Lyrics: "Nothing to Do With You"

NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU

Verse 1:
Another lazy Friday evening
Getting cozy on the couch
I suppose we'll just stay in, girl
Even though we could go out

And I know we saw this "Seinfeld"
But somehow the jokes seem new
'Cause it feels like doing something
Doin' nothing with you

Chorus:
Nothing to do with you
I want nothing to do with you
Nothing to do with you
I want nothing to do with you

Verse 2:
Saturday came quickly
You've got some errands to run
There's a sale on Vera Bradley
Man, that ain't my idea of fun

Leave the car keys and the a.c.
I'll ride shotgun like I do
'Cause it feels like doing something
Doing nothing with you

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
Some people search for hot rods
Racing across the stars
But they never see the flowers
Growing in their own backyard
They say that life means nothing
But it's the only thing we've got
And nothing is deeper than nothing
You and I get that a lot

Verse 3:
Now it's back to work on Monday
The boss is yelling constantly
Making something out of nothing
Like the whole damn company

On my desk you're in a sunhat
And it helps me to get through
Knowing someday I'll be somewhere
Doin' nothing with you

Repeat Chorus

Copyright, 2013, by Glenn Page

New Lyrics: LOSE THE BEARD (Language Alert)

Early version of Glenn Page's latest lyrics, "Lose the Beard."

Glenn says: "...I talk a good game about how much I'm influenced
by punk but very little of it ever comes out in my lyrics/music. That changes today."


LOSE THE BEARD (F*CK THE HIPSTERS)


Verse 1:
You're playing mandolin in an indie band
Trying to cop the look of the common man
Irony, sincerity - I don't care!
Rip Van F*cking Winkle ain't got that much hair

Chorus:
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE the beard!!!!!!

Verse 2:
Plaid's the only pattern on your worn-out shirts
Saying "it's in fashion" only makes it worse
I used to wear those glasses 'til my ass got kicked
Now you think it's cool but you're just a dick

Chorus:
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE the beard!!!!!!

Bridge:
Hey, we're only working 'cause we got no choice
Stop acting like it's noble in that shitty voice
Trying to be "rootsy" or some hipster crap
You couldn't find the southern states with a map

Verse 3:
You tried to be aloof, but no one looked at you
Your colors are all muted; why can't you be too?
Tomorrow you'll be rustic, rural and so "real"
But you don't own the market on the way that people feel

Chorus:
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE the beard!!!!!!

New Song: "Tell Me (The Sweetest Illusion)"

Another Phony Sick Day

Glenn's latest lyrics, inspired by all the dopes who constantly call out sick when they're NOT.


ANOTHER PHONY SICK DAY

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day 
When he ain't really sick      
Another phony sick day         
Man, that guy won't quit       

Verse 1:
Looked great when we saw him
In the bar 'round 1 a.m.
And the last time that he called out
He came back with a tan

But he left our boss a voicemail
Used his "I'm sick" cough
Said he fell and stubbed a toenail
And he needs the whole week off

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick
Another phony sick day
Man, that guy won't quit

Verse 2:
He somehow picked up parvo
Though I'm sure he's not a pup
Food poisoning at S'barro
"Dude, I CAN'T STOP THROWING UP!"

Last week was the vapours
Next week he'll get gout
Or nicked with his new razor
And damn-near bleed right out

Chorus:                      
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick    
Another phony sick day       
Man, that guy won't quit      
                              
Bridge:                       
How could he still be walkin' 
With health that's so debased?
He'd be inside a coffin       
They'd shoot off into space
                              
Verse 3:                      
Now he's at the office        
And this time it's for real   
He's sneezing and he's coughing
And hacking with great zeal   
                              
My temperature is rising,     
He shoulda stayed at home
Used up all his sick time
Now we've gotta use our own!

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick
Another phony sick day
Man, that guy won't quit

Copyright July 27, 2012 by Glenn Page

New Glenn Page Single: "My Life in Pictures"

Going My Way? We're All Going the Same Way...

Here's the Skye vocal mix of Glenn Page's tune, "Life Goes Past." It's a bit different from the previous versions, and I think the overall mix is a bit better. Let us know what you think!

"Life Goes Past" - Glenn Vocal

Life Goes Past...

American Songwriter Magazine Honorable Mention

Glenn Page is pleased to announce that "My Life in Pictures" won an honorable mention in the September/October issue of American Songwriter Magazine's Amatuer Lyricist contest. This is something they run every other month and we're told they get tons of entries, so let's all congratulate Glenn on his accomplishment! Here are the chosen lyrics:


My Life in Pictures

Verse 1:
I saw your face in a picture frame
Turned around and the scene had changed
One fleeting vision come and gone
I boxed you in and tried to make it last
Spent my days living in the past
Why can’t this river be a pond

Where water portrays an image so clear
Untouched by the waves unbroken by tears

Chorus:
My life In pictures
That's where I long to be
Everything’s perfect
And nothing ever dies
My life in pictures
I'm watching the scenery
And somehow it’s worth it
‘Cause you never say goodbye
Oh, but this ain’t the way I pictured My life

Verse 2
Holding on to a photograph
Wondering what it was that made you laugh
Was it derision? I don’t mind
‘Cause in my head I told a joke
Made you smile with the words I spoke
And we went walking for awhile

Oh, then you took my hand and said you would stay
I can almost believe it happened that way

(Repeat chorus)

Bridge:
They say a picture’s worth a thousand words
Sometimes the words aren’t really true
And even though the camera doesn’t lie
Why’s it telling me / I belong with you?

(Repeat Chorus)
 
This ain’t the way that I pictured our life
 
 
Lyrics Copyright 2008 by Glenn Page
 
 
Check out more from Glenn here!

Instrumental Dance Version of "The Face"

"Mr. Small" by Glenn Page (Live at the Algonquin Seaport Theater, 5/28/11)

New (Sort of) Music by Glenn Page Music

The Critics Are Raving: "HOLY CRAP!!! This Guy is TERRIBLE!!!!"

Press Release from Glenn Page Music, for immediate release:


All 27 of Glenn's Albums have been digitally remixed and remastered and are READY TO BE LAUNCHED on an unsuspecting and unreceptive public!!!!


The critics (especially those coprorate whores over at Rolling Stone)cried,"NOOOOOOOO! GOD, NOOOOOOOO, YOU SADISTS!!!" - but we did it anyway! That's right; all 27 of Glenn's Albums have been digitally remastered and are going BACK INTO PRINT!!!!


Our "Glenn-storians" have been working tirelessly around the clock (Hey, we're in a recession, people take whatever work they can get) to complete this comprehensive (but musically incomprehensible) deluxe remixing, repackaging, and re-issuing of Glenn's TWENTY-SEVEN legendary albums! WOO-HOOO!!!


Yes, even the cruddy out-of-print ones that really sucked or the ones Glenn recorded when he was SUPER high and thought he was turning into a giant golden bird are all HERE!!! Remember when Glenn thought it was a good idea to cover the sweet ballad "Waterloo Sunset" and turn it into some unholy crunk-techno-fusion thing??? YUP! It's here, and thanks to the miracle of digital remastering it's even more noxious and in-your-face than ever.


Mark your calendars, because you won't want to be anywhere NEAR a record store or digital downloading service when All 27 of these babies flood the market this summer and then clog up your local bargain bins for years and YEARS to come. Yes, these are dark, dark days for the music industry, my friends; it's really come to this.


Here's a full list of Glenn Page albums getting the royal re-issue treatment!


Albums:
1. Meet Glenn Page! (1965)
2. It's That Crazy Glenn Glenn Sound (1965)
3. Here's Glenn Page! (1965)
4. Ding! Time for Glenn (1965)
5. Glenn, Glenn, GLENN! (1966)
6. Groovin' with Glenn - Again (1966)
7. Surfy Wurfy (1967)
8. Glenn Page: Sorry, You Can't Get a Restraining Order to Stop Me from
Releasing Albums (1967)
9. Glenn Page: Babe, I Feel Like Wearin' a Tuxedo on the Album Cover (1968)
10. Flaxen Flute and the Coconut Carnival of Love Bursts (1968)
11. Glenn Page: One Non-Charting Single and 14 So-So Album Tracks (1969)
12. Glenn's Revenge (1970)
13. LIVER THAN LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (1970)
14. Smoke Signals from the Weeping Valley of the Wounded Wolf: Songs from a
Higher Consciousness (1972)
15. Bored Waitress Refilling My Coffee in a Dusty Brown Cafe (1973)
16..GLENN-ZY! (1975)
17. Hey, I Was Born by the Gritty Part of the Jersey Shore Too, Ya Know (1976)
18. Glow Stick (1979)
19. Robot Crying Nuclear Tears (1981)
20. Sharkz at the P-a-a-a-a-a-rty! (1985)
21. Maturity (1988)
22. Glug (1993)
23. Paging the Hits: 30 Years of Glenn Page (1995)
24. Torn from the Pages: Unplugged and Way Too Talky (1998)
25: Can't Do Anything Else at This Point (2002)
26: A Page of History: The Overblown and Unwarranted Anthology (2005)
27: i-Phoenix (2008)*


And don't forget, ALL these albums feature liner notes jam-packed with revisionist musical history that makes Glenn second only to The Beatles, plus a buttload of BONUS tracks culled from the original masters (masters which Glenn would surely have tried to burn in the street back in the day if he'd known anyone would have had the utter audacity to tack them onto the ass-end of his albums, thereby tilting the overall quality balance from "passable" to "pretty freakin' dire.")


In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait for these 27 smoking hot re-issues to hit the stores and burn them down with the SHEER FORCE OF THEIR BLAZING AWESOMENESS, well, you can always stop by Glenn's channel and groove to some of his more recent tracks like "Doggy Lullaby," "Cosmic Orphans," "The Face," or "Run."


But buy the reissues too! Glenn's 5000-cookies-a-week lifestyle isn't cheap, ya know.


And don't forget, Glenn has even MORE new music on the way in 2011! (This guy doesn't know when to quit.) So tell your friends! Tell your mom! Tell your dealer! Tell your mom's dealer! And SUBSCRBE (If you haven't already) to Glenn Page's music channels:


Glenn's YouTube Channel

Glenn's Facebook Channel



Please?


Sincerely,
Glenn Page Music and Chloe the Chihuahua Industries, Inc.

New Version of "Time to Sleep" Produced and Arranged by Neil Ebanks

A brand new version of Glenn Page's "Time to Sleep" lullaby. Dig it!

"Time to Sleep" to Appear on Mystonic Records Compilation

Glenn Page's "Doggy Lullaby" recently beat out a slew of up-and-coming artists to win a slot amongst the fine indie artists gracing an upcoming Mystonic Records compilation. Glenn thanks everyone who voted, while Chloe (his chihuahua) just yawns and goes back to sleep.

Visit Mystonic Records here!

Reflections on Songwriting, #2: Destroy All Instruments!!!

Okay, that title might be a little extreme, even though I know a lot of people would like me to destroy MY instruments, but there is a certain wisdom to be found in those words. In fact, it reminds me of some of the best songwriting advice I ever heard, which came from none other than Barry Gibb of The Bee Gees. (Not directly, mind you, it's not like Barry and I sit around shooting the sh*t about how to groom your chest hair, or anything.)

Now, I know some people might scoff at The Bee Gees for their disco tunes, but those people are sorely misguided because The Bee Gees are, in fact, extremely gifted songwriters who have written some of the most diverse, enduring and popular tunes of the last 40 plus years. Not only that, they can wear the sh*t out of white pants suits.

Anyway, what Barry said, and I agree with from personal experience, is that songwriters should, from time to time, write away from their instruments. What this means is it's a good idea to get away from your favorite composing tool and try to come up with melodies, rhythms, and harmonies in your head, if possible.

While this may sound difficult - especially if you're in the early stages of songwriting - it does help to free you up from learned or ingrained patterns of behavior and keeps you from falling into a rut. For example, if you write on the piano, you may find yourself always starting with an a minor chord and then going to a G major chord immediately after. If you write in your head, you may surprise yourself and shift to a g minor chord or something equally adventurous. Or, you might do six bars of a melody before changing the harmony, instead of your usual four or two.

Similarly, you can try writing on a different instrument than you're accustomed, if you are able to do so. Hell, sometimes it's more exciting to write on another instrument that you DON'T know how to play because it often takes you places you would never go once you get a little theory in you.

So try stepping away from your instrument to write; don't let it be a songwriting crutch. Try writing in your head riding the bus to work one day or late at night lying in bed (quietly of course, so you don't disturb your significant other). You may actually surprise yourself and come up with something innovative that you really like. Plus, you can always go back to your instrument of choice and fill in the blanks if you get stuck. That is, unless you took the first line of this blog to heart and threw your guitar in the fireplace or something...

Song Demo: "Send Me a Sign"

Demo: Gabrielle (She's an Angel)