Song Lyrics: The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

I was recently asked to pen some humorous lyrics for a song about world peace. On the surface, this may seem like it's not that hard, but it's actually trickier than it seems. Humor is not always universal, and, of course, world peace is supposed to be. Plus, world peace is a very serious subject, involving lots of different cultures and beliefs, so it's hard to interject levity into the topic without potentially offending someone. So it was a bit of a challenge.


Still, I figured I'd give it a go. Although I know virtually nothing about sports, I decided to use the recent "DeflateGate" controversy as a starting point. Here's what I came up with.

The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

Verse1:

The world's a deflated football
Blindly hurtling through space
Will it touch down gently
Or hit Marcia in the face?

The crowds are getting rowdy
Cheering wildly for their teams
Obscenities are flying
Don't even know what that one means

Pre-Chorus:

But somehow I know that things will be all right
When the morning comes we'll only see highlights

Chorus:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
Though we stumble and fumble and generally act lame
Oh it's all
(All, all, all)
Just a game

Verse 2:

The world is a poker table
But the stakes can get too high
It ought to be more friendly
Like a night out with the guys

Sometimes you might get angry
Or call someone a jerk
But the next day it means nothing
When you see them back at work

Pre-Chorus 2:

And somehow I know that things will be all right
Forget that you bet on your wedding ring last night

Chorus 2:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
All in with two fours like we've suddenly lost our brains
In the end,
(Don't you know)
It's just a game

Bridge:

And everyone in the world
Is on the same team
The flames on our shirts may look cooler,
But it's the same team

Chorus 3:

And it's all,
Just a game...
Yeah, we're all,
Still the same
Put some air in this ball, we can play with it in the rain
'Cause it's all..
(All all all)
Just a game
Just a game

-Glenn Page, January 2015

New Lyrics: "Nothing to Do With You"

NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU

Verse 1:
Another lazy Friday evening
Getting cozy on the couch
I suppose we'll just stay in, girl
Even though we could go out

And I know we saw this "Seinfeld"
But somehow the jokes seem new
'Cause it feels like doing something
Doin' nothing with you

Chorus:
Nothing to do with you
I want nothing to do with you
Nothing to do with you
I want nothing to do with you

Verse 2:
Saturday came quickly
You've got some errands to run
There's a sale on Vera Bradley
Man, that ain't my idea of fun

Leave the car keys and the a.c.
I'll ride shotgun like I do
'Cause it feels like doing something
Doing nothing with you

Repeat Chorus

Bridge:
Some people search for hot rods
Racing across the stars
But they never see the flowers
Growing in their own backyard
They say that life means nothing
But it's the only thing we've got
And nothing is deeper than nothing
You and I get that a lot

Verse 3:
Now it's back to work on Monday
The boss is yelling constantly
Making something out of nothing
Like the whole damn company

On my desk you're in a sunhat
And it helps me to get through
Knowing someday I'll be somewhere
Doin' nothing with you

Repeat Chorus

Copyright, 2013, by Glenn Page

New Lyrics: LOSE THE BEARD (Language Alert)

Early version of Glenn Page's latest lyrics, "Lose the Beard."

Glenn says: "...I talk a good game about how much I'm influenced
by punk but very little of it ever comes out in my lyrics/music. That changes today."


LOSE THE BEARD (F*CK THE HIPSTERS)


Verse 1:
You're playing mandolin in an indie band
Trying to cop the look of the common man
Irony, sincerity - I don't care!
Rip Van F*cking Winkle ain't got that much hair

Chorus:
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE the beard!!!!!!

Verse 2:
Plaid's the only pattern on your worn-out shirts
Saying "it's in fashion" only makes it worse
I used to wear those glasses 'til my ass got kicked
Now you think it's cool but you're just a dick

Chorus:
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE the beard!!!!!!

Bridge:
Hey, we're only working 'cause we got no choice
Stop acting like it's noble in that shitty voice
Trying to be "rootsy" or some hipster crap
You couldn't find the southern states with a map

Verse 3:
You tried to be aloof, but no one looked at you
Your colors are all muted; why can't you be too?
Tomorrow you'll be rustic, rural and so "real"
But you don't own the market on the way that people feel

Chorus:
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
Lose the beard!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSE the beard!!!!!!

Another Phony Sick Day

Glenn's latest lyrics, inspired by all the dopes who constantly call out sick when they're NOT.


ANOTHER PHONY SICK DAY

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day 
When he ain't really sick      
Another phony sick day         
Man, that guy won't quit       

Verse 1:
Looked great when we saw him
In the bar 'round 1 a.m.
And the last time that he called out
He came back with a tan

But he left our boss a voicemail
Used his "I'm sick" cough
Said he fell and stubbed a toenail
And he needs the whole week off

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick
Another phony sick day
Man, that guy won't quit

Verse 2:
He somehow picked up parvo
Though I'm sure he's not a pup
Food poisoning at S'barro
"Dude, I CAN'T STOP THROWING UP!"

Last week was the vapours
Next week he'll get gout
Or nicked with his new razor
And damn-near bleed right out

Chorus:                      
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick    
Another phony sick day       
Man, that guy won't quit      
                              
Bridge:                       
How could he still be walkin' 
With health that's so debased?
He'd be inside a coffin       
They'd shoot off into space
                              
Verse 3:                      
Now he's at the office        
And this time it's for real   
He's sneezing and he's coughing
And hacking with great zeal   
                              
My temperature is rising,     
He shoulda stayed at home
Used up all his sick time
Now we've gotta use our own!

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick
Another phony sick day
Man, that guy won't quit

Copyright July 27, 2012 by Glenn Page

You're a Poet, and You Didn't Even Realize It!

Have you ever stopped and thought about the way certain words - ones with no apparent etymological connection or shared background - sometimes end up in close proximity to each other over and over mainly due to the fact they just happen to rhyme and both relate to some shared aspect of our experience? I don't mean words that share a root word or words like biology and anthropology which are both fields of study ending in "ology."


I'm talking about words which rhyme AND, through fate or luck or chance, relate closely to the same concept. Pairs like "danger" with 'stranger" (the former is something the latter is likely to be); "float" with "boat" (the latter hopefully does the former); "fire" with "desire" (the latter can rage out of control like the former); and "pestering whore" with "festering sore." (Well, you get the idea.)


What happy accidents these were! How serendipity! No one ever set out - as far as we know - with the intention that vessels that travel on water would rhyme with the thing they need to do. It just worked out that way! And it gave rise to sayings like, "Whatever floats your boat!" I find that pretty damn interesting, myself. Of course, if somehow boats had come to be called "borts" or something like that, we wouldn't have that nifty expression. We'd have to find some other expression to fit the thought, maybe with totally different objects. Or maybe we'd find a different word to rhyme, like "whatever supports your borts!" Similarly, we might use our alternate words for expressions that didn't have (readily apparent) rhymes before. A simple saying like "Ships are safe in harbor," for example, could easily be supplanted with something along the lines of "Keep borts in ports."


Think about how different music would have been if the word for "heart" was "heet"! Instead of "start" and "apart," every damn song would have rhymes like "sweet," "beat" and "when we meet." Obviously, this would become just as annoying as all the "apart" and "start" songs, but I like to imagine these alternate scenarios. Actually, you don't have to imagine - it seems reasonable to assume that different languages have given rise to different cliched rhyming couplets.


What if the English word for "heart" was "orange"???!!!  Then what would we do?!!  Would we all suddenly turn into Rush and only write about stuff like free will and Tom Sawyer and "AWWWW salesman!" because nothing freakin' rhymes with "heart"?  Even Rush would have to change their song to "Closer to the Orange," and that just doesn't have the same ring to it. As it is, we only get two ordinary words that rhyme comfortably with "love" ("glove" and "above"), so we can't really afford to lose "heart" too!


It's also interesting how certain eras bore certain rhyming expressions. For example, no one in the 1800's would have said, "Be cool, stay in school!" because "cool" had not come to be regularly used that way until well into the 1900's. But once it DID happen, we got really COOL rhymes like, "Be cool, fool!" and "Cool is the rule!" Back in the 1800's (if people even cared about rhyming phrases in everyday parlance) we probably had to say stuff like, "Verily, act merrily!" and, man, that's just not cool. Maybe people had to say things like, "Stay temperate, always be a gent" and that's kind of lame. Plus, it's not a very good rhyme.


Thank god someone started using "cool" as a slang word! Do you think he (or she) stopped to think about all the potential rhymes 'cool" would spawn? Maybe he was leaning toward "icy" instead of "cool" but his more forward-thinking buddy said, "Hey, I rule, you drool, so use 'COOL' instead of 'ICY'!" This guy was so prescient that "cool" even rhymes well with slang no one could have anticipated, like "tool" as a pejorative term! Or maybe the person who pioneered the use of "tool" as an insult was equally rhyme-conscious? Either way, how lucky we were to have these amateur Frosts in our midst.


What does this all mean? Not much, I suppose. It's just intriguing how the cosmos played out with regards to language and how easily things could have been different. A little something to chew on the next time Bon Jovi rhymes "fight" with "right" for (seemingly) the one trillionth time.


Later, amphibious reptiles.

American Songwriter Magazine Honorable Mention

Glenn Page is pleased to announce that "My Life in Pictures" won an honorable mention in the September/October issue of American Songwriter Magazine's Amatuer Lyricist contest. This is something they run every other month and we're told they get tons of entries, so let's all congratulate Glenn on his accomplishment! Here are the chosen lyrics:


My Life in Pictures

Verse 1:
I saw your face in a picture frame
Turned around and the scene had changed
One fleeting vision come and gone
I boxed you in and tried to make it last
Spent my days living in the past
Why can’t this river be a pond

Where water portrays an image so clear
Untouched by the waves unbroken by tears

Chorus:
My life In pictures
That's where I long to be
Everything’s perfect
And nothing ever dies
My life in pictures
I'm watching the scenery
And somehow it’s worth it
‘Cause you never say goodbye
Oh, but this ain’t the way I pictured My life

Verse 2
Holding on to a photograph
Wondering what it was that made you laugh
Was it derision? I don’t mind
‘Cause in my head I told a joke
Made you smile with the words I spoke
And we went walking for awhile

Oh, then you took my hand and said you would stay
I can almost believe it happened that way

(Repeat chorus)

Bridge:
They say a picture’s worth a thousand words
Sometimes the words aren’t really true
And even though the camera doesn’t lie
Why’s it telling me / I belong with you?

(Repeat Chorus)
 
This ain’t the way that I pictured our life
 
 
Lyrics Copyright 2008 by Glenn Page
 
 
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