Wednesday, November 14, 2007

New York Quotes You'll Never Hear (Ever, Ever, Ever).

Ten quotes you can bet were never uttered in (or about) New York City:

10. "My, that's quite the ambrosian fragrance emanating from this corner street grate!"

9. "Hang on, let me take my ipod off and hang up the cell phone... I want to be able to focus on my surroundings in such hectic, chaotic surroundings."

8. "Oh, excuse me. I didn't mean to bump into you."

7. "You know what? We better TRIPLE check the (choose one) steam pipes/buildings/electricity/falling dumpsters. It would be REALLY bad if something went wrong, and we'd be responsible."

6. "Don't worry; we've got plenty of money to fix these problems!"

5. "You saw some rats in the storage room? Oh my god. We better close the restaurant IMMEDIATELY and call the exterminator!"

4. "Wow! What a bargain! We could rent TWO apartments!"

3. "Man, I honestly can't remember the last time I heard someone make a quasi-ironic or cynical, knowing comment!"

2. "I gotta tell ya, this overpriced coffee in cups designed for image-obsessed, unwitting corporate shills really tastes like ass! Let's just buy a cup at McDonald's!"

1. "You know, all these deep-rooted, irreparable problems have really made me reconsider my ill-advised romanticization of a city based on the fact I can get good pizza at three in the morning and I saw a catchy musical here when I was in college."

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