Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Special Guest Blog: Leo Zaccari Reviews "Crows and Doves" by Rabbit Velvet
Track Listing:
Right Now
The Sun Rose Grey
Flying Over London
Haarlem Haunt
Beautiful Things
Love Everlasting
Miles
Blue Waves
Out of the Rain
Twilight to Sunrise
Anything Else
Pearl Diver
Maybe
Rabbit Velvet is the newest project by Danielle Kimak Stauss, formerly of the band The Lost Patrol. A word of caution: this is not an album that you throw on and listen to while you clean your room or balance your checkbook. No, this is a well-crafted masterpiece that demands your undivided attention. The album unfolds like a psychological thriller; like imaginative faeries from some aquamarine universe constructing a lush heavenly daydream filled with shimmering rain storms and ruled by a stunning muse.
“Crows and Doves” opens with a blaring klaxon which creates a sense of urgency that is offset by the relaxed sweet rhythms of “Right Now”. Stauss spells out C-A-R-P-E –D-I-E-M juxtaposed with an up tempo drum beat that suggests a carefree attitude but belies a darker hidden tone. Why are we living for today? Is it because something bad is about to happen tomorrow? And did that shadow just move?
The album slithers on to “The Sun Rose Grey”, a surreal blend of Lalo Schifrinesque spy guitar entangled in a cocoon of synth and driven by relentless staccato percussion. It’s one of the many songs that you will want to enjoy again and again.
The horns of “Flying Over London” signal a departure of sound and tone. One gets the feeling of absolute freedom while soaring over a sleepy London at daybreak before the city awakens to the quiet desperation of every day life.
Another standout is “Haarlem Haunt”, a dark love song where Stauss’ vocals are a wraithlike delicacy that nimbly lure you deep into a fever dream from which you will never want to leave.
“Twilight to Sunrise” sounds like the angelic lost companion to “Days of Future Passed”, happily nestled between “Forever Afternoon” and “Time to Get Away”. Although this album does not quite have the magnificent scope of “Days”, the creative energy and the sheer opulence of Stauss’ voice makes up for the lack of an orchestra. Her vocals are pure shadowy liquid passion, like a thing alive; haunting, seductive and elusive.
There is so much to enjoy on this album. Stauss has created a brilliant work that harkens back to a time when people sat and listened to an album. So if you are looking for an album to listen to, and I mean really listen to, the way people used to sit down and listen to a vinyl record; then this album is for you.
More About Rabbit Velvet!
-Leo Zaccari teaches History at Brookdale Community College, Kean University, and Ocean County College. He once knew someone who once knew David Bowie. In his spare time he writes. A lot.
Right Now
The Sun Rose Grey
Flying Over London
Haarlem Haunt
Beautiful Things
Love Everlasting
Miles
Blue Waves
Out of the Rain
Twilight to Sunrise
Anything Else
Pearl Diver
Maybe
Rabbit Velvet is the newest project by Danielle Kimak Stauss, formerly of the band The Lost Patrol. A word of caution: this is not an album that you throw on and listen to while you clean your room or balance your checkbook. No, this is a well-crafted masterpiece that demands your undivided attention. The album unfolds like a psychological thriller; like imaginative faeries from some aquamarine universe constructing a lush heavenly daydream filled with shimmering rain storms and ruled by a stunning muse.
“Crows and Doves” opens with a blaring klaxon which creates a sense of urgency that is offset by the relaxed sweet rhythms of “Right Now”. Stauss spells out C-A-R-P-E –D-I-E-M juxtaposed with an up tempo drum beat that suggests a carefree attitude but belies a darker hidden tone. Why are we living for today? Is it because something bad is about to happen tomorrow? And did that shadow just move?
The album slithers on to “The Sun Rose Grey”, a surreal blend of Lalo Schifrinesque spy guitar entangled in a cocoon of synth and driven by relentless staccato percussion. It’s one of the many songs that you will want to enjoy again and again.
The horns of “Flying Over London” signal a departure of sound and tone. One gets the feeling of absolute freedom while soaring over a sleepy London at daybreak before the city awakens to the quiet desperation of every day life.
Another standout is “Haarlem Haunt”, a dark love song where Stauss’ vocals are a wraithlike delicacy that nimbly lure you deep into a fever dream from which you will never want to leave.
“Twilight to Sunrise” sounds like the angelic lost companion to “Days of Future Passed”, happily nestled between “Forever Afternoon” and “Time to Get Away”. Although this album does not quite have the magnificent scope of “Days”, the creative energy and the sheer opulence of Stauss’ voice makes up for the lack of an orchestra. Her vocals are pure shadowy liquid passion, like a thing alive; haunting, seductive and elusive.
There is so much to enjoy on this album. Stauss has created a brilliant work that harkens back to a time when people sat and listened to an album. So if you are looking for an album to listen to, and I mean really listen to, the way people used to sit down and listen to a vinyl record; then this album is for you.
More About Rabbit Velvet!
-Leo Zaccari teaches History at Brookdale Community College, Kean University, and Ocean County College. He once knew someone who once knew David Bowie. In his spare time he writes. A lot.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Gee, That Sounds Familiar... (The Four Songs)
Speaking as an amateur musicologist, I'd like to share with you a fun little piece of music knowledge. In fact, not a lot of people know this, but every song ever written - EVER - is basically a variation of four songs that already exist. They are (in no particular order) as follows:
* Maple Leaf Rag - Scott Joplin
* Symphony #40 in G Minor (Molto Allegro) - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
* Disco Duck - Rick Dees
* Greensleeves - Traditional
Yes, it's true. Any song you can name can be traced directly to one of these four songs. "Ramblin' Man" by the Allmans? Greensleeves with a little hick attitude. "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo? It's clearly the Maple Leaf Rag with spikier hair and nifty synthesizers. AHHHH, you hear it now that I've pointed it out, don't you? It's so obvious in retrospect.
It should be noted that some esteemed music theorists have argued that "Missing" by Everything But the Girl needs to be added to the list, but those people are major sh*theads, because that song is really just Mozart's Symphony played backwards (badly) with dumb lyrics.
Now that you know this amazing fact you can whip it out at your next party to stun and amuse your friends - instead of whipping out what you usually do to stun and amuse them.
* Maple Leaf Rag - Scott Joplin
* Symphony #40 in G Minor (Molto Allegro) - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
* Disco Duck - Rick Dees
* Greensleeves - Traditional
Yes, it's true. Any song you can name can be traced directly to one of these four songs. "Ramblin' Man" by the Allmans? Greensleeves with a little hick attitude. "Too Shy" by Kajagoogoo? It's clearly the Maple Leaf Rag with spikier hair and nifty synthesizers. AHHHH, you hear it now that I've pointed it out, don't you? It's so obvious in retrospect.
It should be noted that some esteemed music theorists have argued that "Missing" by Everything But the Girl needs to be added to the list, but those people are major sh*theads, because that song is really just Mozart's Symphony played backwards (badly) with dumb lyrics.
Now that you know this amazing fact you can whip it out at your next party to stun and amuse your friends - instead of whipping out what you usually do to stun and amuse them.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Review: Duran Duran, "All You Need Is Now" (What's the Date Again? 1981 or Thirty Years on?)
AWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH!!!!
Look out you Lumineer-lovin' mother-****s, because Duran MOTHER-F-ING DURAN are back, and you better SAVE A PRAYER because they're
breaking out the blue eyeliner and their big, billowy, new romantic shirts just
so they can ride gigantic new-wave YACHTS straight through your
indie-music-addled mother-f***ing BRAIN!!!!!!!!!
EYYYYYEAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, maybe I'm getting a little carried away here, especially since Duran Duran themselves are now technically an "indie" band (LeBon has even grown the de rigueur beard). I can’t help it though; after listening to their 2011 album, "All You Need Is Now," I'm left with the vivid impression that the original wild boys feel like they've got something major to prove this time around. Not that they don't always try to kick a little musical booty, but with the release of "All You Need Is Now" they seem like a band with a renewed sense of purpose who - dare I say it? - sound HUNGRY. (Get it? Hungry? GET IT?????)
From listening to recent interviews, this newfound focus appears to be the direct result of the band - with the additional guidance of producer and avowed DD fan Mark Ronson - playing to their core songwriting strengths while muting the label-mandated trend-chasing that all but sunk recent efforts like 2007's "Red Carpet Massacre." Ronson's stated intent going into this project was to craft an imaginary follow-up to the album that, for many, remains Duran Duran's commercial and artistic zenith, "Rio." (I think he also went out and beat up RCM co-producer Justin Timberlake for good measure.)
So the question is, did Ronson succeed in his goal? Well no, not exactly, but you know what? It doesn't even matter because "All You Need Is Now" is an album that sounds less like the imaginary sequel to "Rio" ("Circus Circus"?) and more like a bunch of songs written specifically FOR "Rio" or the debut album. A lot of the musical DNA is the same; you've got beautiful minor-key chord progressions swathed around melancholy melodies. You've got semi-cryptic lyrics from Simon. You've got weird-ass s**t burbling out of Nick's synthesizer. You've got John's bass going BOINK!!! Da-BOINK!!! BOINNNNK!!!!!!!!!! every three seconds like it's threatening to f**k Roger if he gets too close. And baby, this is all good news. Well, maybe not for Roger, but you get the idea.
At least half the songs here call to mind specific tracks from the band's early years: "Girl Panic!" echoes the hedonistic pulse of (naturally) "Girls on Film," right down to the dramatic synthesizer blasts and tribal drum fills; "The Man Who Stole a Leopard" and "Before the Rain" recall the eerie creep of "The Chauffeur"; "Being Followed" and "Blame the Machines" mirror the sci-fi-ish dread of "Planet Earth"; "Runway Runaway" and "Too Bad You're So Beautiful" race along on the same currents as "Rio"; and "Leave a Light on" is the obvious love-child of the one-night-stand in "Save a Prayer."
What saves most of these tunes from being mere knock-offs though, is the sheer kick-assed-ness of the Durans' songwriting chops, which Ronson has shoved squarely to the forefront here. "Being Followed", for example, is quite possibly the coolest song Duran Duran has written in, oh, 5,000 new moons. "Before the Rain" is downright haunting, teeming with sadness, loss and regret (even if I don't know what the frig it's about exactly - death? depression? a long line at the drive-through?). These aren't some wishy-washy watered-down rewrites; these are modern-day counterparts that stand proudly on their own.
Granted, one could argue that "All You Need Is Now" does lack a certain thematic cohesiveness, with the feel of each song vacillating wildly from track to track. Hell, "Other People's Lives," which comes immediately after the dreamily seductive "Man Who Stole a Leopard," (one of the album's highlights) is practically PUNK ROCK, for Christ's sake. (Well, as close as Duran Duran gets to punk rock, that is. We're not talking the Exploited here.) While some may see this as a negative, let me explain why the album's eclecticism works in the band's favor.
Duran Duran's 1981 debut was bound together by the icy waves of claustrophobic new-wave noir washing over its eight tracks, while "Rio" sustained a quasi-religious exoticism for the duration of the album (translation: it's about chasing hot chicks through the jungle). The new album, on the other hand, is ostensibly about "living in the moment" and coping with the modern world, but actually functions as more of a Duran Duran smorgasbord. The album succeeds because whatever they sacrificed in terms of consistency of mood and color they more than made up for by letting us gorge ourselves on a big, messy sampler platter of their all-time tastiest home-cooked recipes and treats. And there is definitely A LOT to dig into on this album. (“Is anybody HUNGREEEE???”)
Okay, so what's NOT so good here? Hmmmm...well, while there are no outright stinker-oo's on the album, I do have a few minor quibbles. For one, I'm not that crazy about "Safe (in the Heat of the Moment)," which sounds like one of those tunes that Simon and company whip out whenever they're trying to prove they're the world's most awesomest dance band, or something. It features Anna Matronic (of the Scissor Sisters) doing a cute little rap that she intones like the McDonald's Filet-O-Fish singing bass ("What if it were YOU hanging on this wall? What if it were YOU; you wouldn't be laughing at ALLLLLL...") and kind of feels like a late 80's outtake with more cutting edge production. That said, I know there are a lot of fans who enjoy this sort of thing and the song is inoffensive enough. I suppose the next time I'm dropping E at a club in Ibiza at 4 in the morning it'll do just fine.
"Mediterranea," another track that never quite clicks for me, is the one song on the album which probably hews a little TOO closely to the early Duran Duran formula. For whatever reason, I just can't stop thinking of "Save a Prayer" whenever it comes up in my player. In fact, it vaguely reminds me of one of those production CD's where musicians emulate popular bands just so the owners of Jimmy's All-You-Can-Eat Crab Strip Café can rip off "Hungry Like the Wolf" without getting their asses sued. "Mediterranera" isn't bad, per se; it just never really "burns the ground" and it's one of the weaker cuts here.
But screw that! Let's not dwell on a few minor missteps when we've got almost an hour's worth of awesomely revitalized Duran Duran music. YEEEEE-HAAAAAAAAA! You can tell the guys put a lot of blood, sweat and runny mascara into this one, and it makes for a seriously rewarding listen that stands up to multiple plays. You seriously got to hand it to them; despite the naysayers and critics calling them empty-headed mannequins and trying to get them to lay down and die for THIRTY YEARS, Duran Duran keep swinging, keep fighting, keep trying to prove their artistic worth and relevance. And I say more power to them. F**k the critics.
Besides, mannequins never really DO die, do they?
*** ½ (three-and-a-half out of five stars)
Notable Tracks: "Being Followed," "Girl Panic!", "The Man Who Stole a Leopard," "Runway Runaway," "Before the Rain."
Monday, March 28, 2011
Coffee Grinds, Part IV (In Which We Fight the Russian Coffee in a Taste Challenge)
Another generous serving of random gunk scraped from the bottom of our ever-brewin' coffee pots!
* Things that Puzzle Me, #237: The filmmakers who think a dubious pedigree will entice me to rent their latest lame movie... "From the Co-Producers of 'Furry Vengeance' and one of the writers of "Sorority Boys 2" comes... TOTAL S**TFEST!!!!" Yeah, I'm all over that.
* There will never be a "next Beatles" (or Michael Jackson, or Elvis, or whoever) until people realize the "next Beatles" wouldn't sound LIKE the Beatles.
* I love the pitter patter of the rain on the windows... It means the neighbors won't hear me stealing stuff from their toolshed.
* If we were all brains in jars, people would start worrying who had the biggest, shiniest jar and wondering if they could have work done on their saggy frontal lobe.
* I'm sorry, but this is is what we'll be doing for the time being. I always do things for the Time Being, because I'm afraid he'll cast us back into ancient Rome where we'd have to fight to the death like gladiators or something.
* I was thinking today how awesome it would be if obituaries were honest: "Marty Shnookmeyer died today. He was a real a-hole and most people won't miss him. And he owes me 50 bucks."
* You know you're old when you go to complain how bad music is "nowadays" and you single out bands that hasn't even been considered "nowadays" since like 2004, at the latest. "GOD, THESE KIDS WITH THEIR... THEIR... SUM 41 AND EVANESCENCE!! WHAT ARE THEY LISTENING TO???!?"
* Laws of Work, #786, AKA: "First Rule of Ironic Inverted Response to Workload": Someone asking you to do 100 things when you're busy ALL DAY is 100 times LESS annoying than someone asking you to do ONE tiny little thing when you're completely bored and looking out the window. "OH COME ON!!!! THIS GUY WANTS ME TO BRING HIM A FILE!!!! RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO GET MY FIFTH CUP OF COFFEE!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
* Regarding the bathroom stalls at work: I'd love to know who the geniuses are who keep leaving their ten page "book reports" (or whatever the hell they are) in the slot for disposable toilet seat covers. (A) I don't want to read that garbage and (B) They can't carry it five feet to the garbage can when they come out of the stall?
* Have you noticed that whenever someone else starts singing "Happy Birthday" and you try to join in that it's always in some insane key you would never sing it? "What the hell is this? A Flat??? Come ON!!! I'm a C sharp man..."
* 16th Law of Pop Music Irony, subset axiom f: Every huge band that suffers a backlash and is decried as supremely uncool will eventually (after a period that is 9.5 times the length of their chart reign) be re-evaluated and hailed as "cool" again by hipsters and original fans alike.
* 100 % true story: My girlfriend and I just had a fierce debate over whether OJ should have no pulp or a little bit of pulp. I was on the side of no pulp, and it went something like this: "No pulp!" "A little bit of pulp!" "No pulp!" "A little bit of pulp!" Finally I had to say, "What we have here is clearly a case of pulp friction."
* Culinary Mysteries: (1) Cereal tastes better when cold milk dribbles down your chin. (2) PB&J sandwiches taste better cut in half. (3) Yogurt tastes better in a single-serve cup rather than scooped from a tub. (4) Revenge is a dish best served cold, maybe with a side of lightly steamed veggies, and preferably a red wine.
* Things that Puzzle Me, #237: The filmmakers who think a dubious pedigree will entice me to rent their latest lame movie... "From the Co-Producers of 'Furry Vengeance' and one of the writers of "Sorority Boys 2" comes... TOTAL S**TFEST!!!!" Yeah, I'm all over that.
* There will never be a "next Beatles" (or Michael Jackson, or Elvis, or whoever) until people realize the "next Beatles" wouldn't sound LIKE the Beatles.
* I love the pitter patter of the rain on the windows... It means the neighbors won't hear me stealing stuff from their toolshed.
* If we were all brains in jars, people would start worrying who had the biggest, shiniest jar and wondering if they could have work done on their saggy frontal lobe.
* I'm sorry, but this is is what we'll be doing for the time being. I always do things for the Time Being, because I'm afraid he'll cast us back into ancient Rome where we'd have to fight to the death like gladiators or something.
* I was thinking today how awesome it would be if obituaries were honest: "Marty Shnookmeyer died today. He was a real a-hole and most people won't miss him. And he owes me 50 bucks."
* You know you're old when you go to complain how bad music is "nowadays" and you single out bands that hasn't even been considered "nowadays" since like 2004, at the latest. "GOD, THESE KIDS WITH THEIR... THEIR... SUM 41 AND EVANESCENCE!! WHAT ARE THEY LISTENING TO???!?"
* Laws of Work, #786, AKA: "First Rule of Ironic Inverted Response to Workload": Someone asking you to do 100 things when you're busy ALL DAY is 100 times LESS annoying than someone asking you to do ONE tiny little thing when you're completely bored and looking out the window. "OH COME ON!!!! THIS GUY WANTS ME TO BRING HIM A FILE!!!! RIGHT WHEN I WAS ABOUT TO GET MY FIFTH CUP OF COFFEE!!!! COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
* Regarding the bathroom stalls at work: I'd love to know who the geniuses are who keep leaving their ten page "book reports" (or whatever the hell they are) in the slot for disposable toilet seat covers. (A) I don't want to read that garbage and (B) They can't carry it five feet to the garbage can when they come out of the stall?
* Have you noticed that whenever someone else starts singing "Happy Birthday" and you try to join in that it's always in some insane key you would never sing it? "What the hell is this? A Flat??? Come ON!!! I'm a C sharp man..."
* 16th Law of Pop Music Irony, subset axiom f: Every huge band that suffers a backlash and is decried as supremely uncool will eventually (after a period that is 9.5 times the length of their chart reign) be re-evaluated and hailed as "cool" again by hipsters and original fans alike.
* 100 % true story: My girlfriend and I just had a fierce debate over whether OJ should have no pulp or a little bit of pulp. I was on the side of no pulp, and it went something like this: "No pulp!" "A little bit of pulp!" "No pulp!" "A little bit of pulp!" Finally I had to say, "What we have here is clearly a case of pulp friction."
* Culinary Mysteries: (1) Cereal tastes better when cold milk dribbles down your chin. (2) PB&J sandwiches taste better cut in half. (3) Yogurt tastes better in a single-serve cup rather than scooped from a tub. (4) Revenge is a dish best served cold, maybe with a side of lightly steamed veggies, and preferably a red wine.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The Critics Are Raving: "HOLY CRAP!!! This Guy is TERRIBLE!!!!"
Press Release from Glenn Page Music, for immediate release:
All 27 of Glenn's Albums have been digitally remixed and remastered and are READY TO BE LAUNCHED on an unsuspecting and unreceptive public!!!!
The critics (especially those coprorate whores over at Rolling Stone)cried,"NOOOOOOOO! GOD, NOOOOOOOO, YOU SADISTS!!!" - but we did it anyway! That's right; all 27 of Glenn's Albums have been digitally remastered and are going BACK INTO PRINT!!!!
Our "Glenn-storians" have been working tirelessly around the clock (Hey, we're in a recession, people take whatever work they can get) to complete this comprehensive (but musically incomprehensible) deluxe remixing, repackaging, and re-issuing of Glenn's TWENTY-SEVEN legendary albums! WOO-HOOO!!!
Yes, even the cruddy out-of-print ones that really sucked or the ones Glenn recorded when he was SUPER high and thought he was turning into a giant golden bird are all HERE!!! Remember when Glenn thought it was a good idea to cover the sweet ballad "Waterloo Sunset" and turn it into some unholy crunk-techno-fusion thing??? YUP! It's here, and thanks to the miracle of digital remastering it's even more noxious and in-your-face than ever.
Mark your calendars, because you won't want to be anywhere NEAR a record store or digital downloading service when All 27 of these babies flood the market this summer and then clog up your local bargain bins for years and YEARS to come. Yes, these are dark, dark days for the music industry, my friends; it's really come to this.
Here's a full list of Glenn Page albums getting the royal re-issue treatment!
Albums:
1. Meet Glenn Page! (1965)
2. It's That Crazy Glenn Glenn Sound (1965)
3. Here's Glenn Page! (1965)
4. Ding! Time for Glenn (1965)
5. Glenn, Glenn, GLENN! (1966)
6. Groovin' with Glenn - Again (1966)
7. Surfy Wurfy (1967)
8. Glenn Page: Sorry, You Can't Get a Restraining Order to Stop Me from
Releasing Albums (1967)
9. Glenn Page: Babe, I Feel Like Wearin' a Tuxedo on the Album Cover (1968)
10. Flaxen Flute and the Coconut Carnival of Love Bursts (1968)
11. Glenn Page: One Non-Charting Single and 14 So-So Album Tracks (1969)
12. Glenn's Revenge (1970)
13. LIVER THAN LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (1970)
14. Smoke Signals from the Weeping Valley of the Wounded Wolf: Songs from a
Higher Consciousness (1972)
15. Bored Waitress Refilling My Coffee in a Dusty Brown Cafe (1973)
16..GLENN-ZY! (1975)
17. Hey, I Was Born by the Gritty Part of the Jersey Shore Too, Ya Know (1976)
18. Glow Stick (1979)
19. Robot Crying Nuclear Tears (1981)
20. Sharkz at the P-a-a-a-a-a-rty! (1985)
21. Maturity (1988)
22. Glug (1993)
23. Paging the Hits: 30 Years of Glenn Page (1995)
24. Torn from the Pages: Unplugged and Way Too Talky (1998)
25: Can't Do Anything Else at This Point (2002)
26: A Page of History: The Overblown and Unwarranted Anthology (2005)
27: i-Phoenix (2008)*
And don't forget, ALL these albums feature liner notes jam-packed with revisionist musical history that makes Glenn second only to The Beatles, plus a buttload of BONUS tracks culled from the original masters (masters which Glenn would surely have tried to burn in the street back in the day if he'd known anyone would have had the utter audacity to tack them onto the ass-end of his albums, thereby tilting the overall quality balance from "passable" to "pretty freakin' dire.")
In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait for these 27 smoking hot re-issues to hit the stores and burn them down with the SHEER FORCE OF THEIR BLAZING AWESOMENESS, well, you can always stop by Glenn's channel and groove to some of his more recent tracks like "Doggy Lullaby," "Cosmic Orphans," "The Face," or "Run."
But buy the reissues too! Glenn's 5000-cookies-a-week lifestyle isn't cheap, ya know.
And don't forget, Glenn has even MORE new music on the way in 2011! (This guy doesn't know when to quit.) So tell your friends! Tell your mom! Tell your dealer! Tell your mom's dealer! And SUBSCRBE (If you haven't already) to Glenn Page's music channels:
Glenn's YouTube Channel
Glenn's Facebook Channel
Please?
Sincerely,
Glenn Page Music and Chloe the Chihuahua Industries, Inc.
All 27 of Glenn's Albums have been digitally remixed and remastered and are READY TO BE LAUNCHED on an unsuspecting and unreceptive public!!!!
The critics (especially those coprorate whores over at Rolling Stone)cried,"NOOOOOOOO! GOD, NOOOOOOOO, YOU SADISTS!!!" - but we did it anyway! That's right; all 27 of Glenn's Albums have been digitally remastered and are going BACK INTO PRINT!!!!
Our "Glenn-storians" have been working tirelessly around the clock (Hey, we're in a recession, people take whatever work they can get) to complete this comprehensive (but musically incomprehensible) deluxe remixing, repackaging, and re-issuing of Glenn's TWENTY-SEVEN legendary albums! WOO-HOOO!!!
Yes, even the cruddy out-of-print ones that really sucked or the ones Glenn recorded when he was SUPER high and thought he was turning into a giant golden bird are all HERE!!! Remember when Glenn thought it was a good idea to cover the sweet ballad "Waterloo Sunset" and turn it into some unholy crunk-techno-fusion thing??? YUP! It's here, and thanks to the miracle of digital remastering it's even more noxious and in-your-face than ever.
Mark your calendars, because you won't want to be anywhere NEAR a record store or digital downloading service when All 27 of these babies flood the market this summer and then clog up your local bargain bins for years and YEARS to come. Yes, these are dark, dark days for the music industry, my friends; it's really come to this.
Here's a full list of Glenn Page albums getting the royal re-issue treatment!
Albums:
1. Meet Glenn Page! (1965)
2. It's That Crazy Glenn Glenn Sound (1965)
3. Here's Glenn Page! (1965)
4. Ding! Time for Glenn (1965)
5. Glenn, Glenn, GLENN! (1966)
6. Groovin' with Glenn - Again (1966)
7. Surfy Wurfy (1967)
8. Glenn Page: Sorry, You Can't Get a Restraining Order to Stop Me from
Releasing Albums (1967)
9. Glenn Page: Babe, I Feel Like Wearin' a Tuxedo on the Album Cover (1968)
10. Flaxen Flute and the Coconut Carnival of Love Bursts (1968)
11. Glenn Page: One Non-Charting Single and 14 So-So Album Tracks (1969)
12. Glenn's Revenge (1970)
13. LIVER THAN LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (1970)
14. Smoke Signals from the Weeping Valley of the Wounded Wolf: Songs from a
Higher Consciousness (1972)
15. Bored Waitress Refilling My Coffee in a Dusty Brown Cafe (1973)
16..GLENN-ZY! (1975)
17. Hey, I Was Born by the Gritty Part of the Jersey Shore Too, Ya Know (1976)
18. Glow Stick (1979)
19. Robot Crying Nuclear Tears (1981)
20. Sharkz at the P-a-a-a-a-a-rty! (1985)
21. Maturity (1988)
22. Glug (1993)
23. Paging the Hits: 30 Years of Glenn Page (1995)
24. Torn from the Pages: Unplugged and Way Too Talky (1998)
25: Can't Do Anything Else at This Point (2002)
26: A Page of History: The Overblown and Unwarranted Anthology (2005)
27: i-Phoenix (2008)*
And don't forget, ALL these albums feature liner notes jam-packed with revisionist musical history that makes Glenn second only to The Beatles, plus a buttload of BONUS tracks culled from the original masters (masters which Glenn would surely have tried to burn in the street back in the day if he'd known anyone would have had the utter audacity to tack them onto the ass-end of his albums, thereby tilting the overall quality balance from "passable" to "pretty freakin' dire.")
In the meantime, if you absolutely can't wait for these 27 smoking hot re-issues to hit the stores and burn them down with the SHEER FORCE OF THEIR BLAZING AWESOMENESS, well, you can always stop by Glenn's channel and groove to some of his more recent tracks like "Doggy Lullaby," "Cosmic Orphans," "The Face," or "Run."
But buy the reissues too! Glenn's 5000-cookies-a-week lifestyle isn't cheap, ya know.
And don't forget, Glenn has even MORE new music on the way in 2011! (This guy doesn't know when to quit.) So tell your friends! Tell your mom! Tell your dealer! Tell your mom's dealer! And SUBSCRBE (If you haven't already) to Glenn Page's music channels:
Glenn's YouTube Channel
Glenn's Facebook Channel
Please?
Sincerely,
Glenn Page Music and Chloe the Chihuahua Industries, Inc.
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