Song Lyrics: The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

I was recently asked to pen some humorous lyrics for a song about world peace. On the surface, this may seem like it's not that hard, but it's actually trickier than it seems. Humor is not always universal, and, of course, world peace is supposed to be. Plus, world peace is a very serious subject, involving lots of different cultures and beliefs, so it's hard to interject levity into the topic without potentially offending someone. So it was a bit of a challenge.


Still, I figured I'd give it a go. Although I know virtually nothing about sports, I decided to use the recent "DeflateGate" controversy as a starting point. Here's what I came up with.

The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

Verse1:

The world's a deflated football
Blindly hurtling through space
Will it touch down gently
Or hit Marcia in the face?

The crowds are getting rowdy
Cheering wildly for their teams
Obscenities are flying
Don't even know what that one means

Pre-Chorus:

But somehow I know that things will be all right
When the morning comes we'll only see highlights

Chorus:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
Though we stumble and fumble and generally act lame
Oh it's all
(All, all, all)
Just a game

Verse 2:

The world is a poker table
But the stakes can get too high
It ought to be more friendly
Like a night out with the guys

Sometimes you might get angry
Or call someone a jerk
But the next day it means nothing
When you see them back at work

Pre-Chorus 2:

And somehow I know that things will be all right
Forget that you bet on your wedding ring last night

Chorus 2:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
All in with two fours like we've suddenly lost our brains
In the end,
(Don't you know)
It's just a game

Bridge:

And everyone in the world
Is on the same team
The flames on our shirts may look cooler,
But it's the same team

Chorus 3:

And it's all,
Just a game...
Yeah, we're all,
Still the same
Put some air in this ball, we can play with it in the rain
'Cause it's all..
(All all all)
Just a game
Just a game

-Glenn Page, January 2015

Cleaning Out The Glenn Page Vaults, Part One

Over the next few months I'll be cleaning house, in a way, by posting all kinds of odds and ends which I've never posted before. Mostly this will consist of just posting self-penned lyrics and/or songs which I think are pretty good but which haven't really seen the light of day for various reasons.

The first post consists of the lyrics to my 1995 song "What Silly Children We Are," which, I believe, borrows its title from something the Christian Caroline Fry wrote in the 1800s, but I'm not really sure where I personally picked it up. Maybe in my philosophy classes? Anyway, this song was thematically similar to my other song "Cosmic Orphans", but the viewpoint is much more sympathetic, charitable and far less despairing than that song.

There's music too, but this song was performed publicly only once, at a coffeehouse back in 1995 or so. As of right now, there are no recorded versions, mainly because there were one or two bits I was never very happy with, musically speaking. However, I still kind of like the lyrics, so here they are. 

"Silly Children"

We are always so hard on ourselves
We never give ourselves a break
Living our lives in our personal hells
And never wanting to make mistakes

If only we could look at our lives
From behind a distant star
Maybe we could stop and then finally realize
Oh what silly children we are

Silly children
Silly children we are
Silly children
When you look from afar
And it only takes one change of perception
To send your life in a new direction
Silly children
We are

Sometimes self-righteous and quick to condemn
Common sense is our only defense
Always demanding and so reprimanding
When understanding makes more sense

If only we could look at ourselves
From behind another's eyes
Sisters and brothers when you finally realize
That we're just like children inside

Silly children
Silly children we are
Silly children
When you look from afar
And it only takes one moment's reflection
For everyone to make a deeper connection
Silly children
We are

And every day
We try to learn to grow
So knowing is nothing
And there is nothing to know

Silly children
Silly children

- G. Page, 1995

Childhood Trauma, The Breakup of the American Family, and "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"

As a child, I found the song "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" particularly disturbing. Here was a song, a mainstream holiday song no less, celebrating and implicitly condoning Kringle-ian infidelity! What the hell! Why is mommy kissing Santa Claus!!! Where's dad??? I don't think it'd be a "laugh" if he saw his wife messing around with some fat dude who's supposed to be delivering toys to well-behaved children! It's even worse because the music is all happy and buoyant like everyone's in on it (except clueless dad) and mom cheating is just the COOLEST THING IN THE WORLD!!! Oh yeah, baby, mom's a cheating hussy! And Santa's a home wrecker!!! WOO HOO!!! Good times everybody! Cue up those horns and pour me some more egg nog!!! What the hell!!! And what about Mrs. Claus alone at the North Pole? Did we just "conveniently" forget about her??? I don't know, I seriously believe this song may have been instrumental in instilling my life-long distrust of people. Of course, now that I'm older and I know what the song is REALLY about (parental fun and games) and what's REALLY going on, well... I think it's even more disturbing.

Henry's Dreams

In his dreams, Henry was sailing over the mountains, the cornfields and the crystal blue ocean, his majestic wings stretched wide... but in his waking hours, the poor sow was constantly tormented and mocked by people throwing buckets of liquified food at him and equating his silent longing with things that would never, ever, ever, come to pass.

The Most Depressing Christmas Lyrics Ever Written

"What Have They Done to Christmas?"

Verse 1:

I used to watch the snowflakes falling
A blanket of hope floating down
Now leaves on the trees start to wither
I'm walking on cold and hardened ground

Holiday time arrived this morning
People were swirling 'round my head
Visions that danced like a warning
Were making me stir in my bed

Chorus:

Asking
What have we done to Christmas?
What happened to that silent night?
I can't even tell that it's Christmas
Is it Christmas?
Do you remember Christmastime?

Verse 2:

Shoppers lined up to meet their savior
Pushing on unrelenting doors
They saw the signs and came for saving
While somebody else still begs for more

Chorus:

And I'm saying
What have they done to Christmas?
What happened to that silent night?
I can't even tell that it's Christmas
Is it Christmas?
Do you remember Christmastime?

Bridge:

What happened to charity and mistletoe?
What happened to caring every day?
Looking for harmony within a world
Where even the wise men lose their way

Chorus 2:

I keep asking
What have we done to Christmas?
What happened to comfort and good cheer?
I'm not really sure
It was ever that way
Could we have some Christmastime next year?
No peace on earth again, I fear
Please let there be Christmastime next year

Maybe next year

"I'm Your Owner, Not Your Lover (Song for My Dog)"

Chloe just turned nine so we celebrated her birthday by breaking out this old chestnut.