Thursday, September 29, 2011

You're a Poet, and You Didn't Even Realize It!

Have you ever stopped and thought about the way certain words - ones with no apparent etymological connection or shared background - sometimes end up in close proximity to each other over and over mainly due to the fact they just happen to rhyme and both relate to some shared aspect of our experience? I don't mean words that share a root word or words like biology and anthropology which are both fields of study ending in "ology."


I'm talking about words which rhyme AND, through fate or luck or chance, relate closely to the same concept. Pairs like "danger" with 'stranger" (the former is something the latter is likely to be); "float" with "boat" (the latter hopefully does the former); "fire" with "desire" (the latter can rage out of control like the former); and "pestering whore" with "festering sore." (Well, you get the idea.)


What happy accidents these were! How serendipity! No one ever set out - as far as we know - with the intention that vessels that travel on water would rhyme with the thing they need to do. It just worked out that way! And it gave rise to sayings like, "Whatever floats your boat!" I find that pretty damn interesting, myself. Of course, if somehow boats had come to be called "borts" or something like that, we wouldn't have that nifty expression. We'd have to find some other expression to fit the thought, maybe with totally different objects. Or maybe we'd find a different word to rhyme, like "whatever supports your borts!" Similarly, we might use our alternate words for expressions that didn't have (readily apparent) rhymes before. A simple saying like "Ships are safe in harbor," for example, could easily be supplanted with something along the lines of "Keep borts in ports."


Think about how different music would have been if the word for "heart" was "heet"! Instead of "start" and "apart," every damn song would have rhymes like "sweet," "beat" and "when we meet." Obviously, this would become just as annoying as all the "apart" and "start" songs, but I like to imagine these alternate scenarios. Actually, you don't have to imagine - it seems reasonable to assume that different languages have given rise to different cliched rhyming couplets.


What if the English word for "heart" was "orange"???!!!  Then what would we do?!!  Would we all suddenly turn into Rush and only write about stuff like free will and Tom Sawyer and "AWWWW salesman!" because nothing freakin' rhymes with "heart"?  Even Rush would have to change their song to "Closer to the Orange," and that just doesn't have the same ring to it. As it is, we only get two ordinary words that rhyme comfortably with "love" ("glove" and "above"), so we can't really afford to lose "heart" too!


It's also interesting how certain eras bore certain rhyming expressions. For example, no one in the 1800's would have said, "Be cool, stay in school!" because "cool" had not come to be regularly used that way until well into the 1900's. But once it DID happen, we got really COOL rhymes like, "Be cool, fool!" and "Cool is the rule!" Back in the 1800's (if people even cared about rhyming phrases in everyday parlance) we probably had to say stuff like, "Verily, act merrily!" and, man, that's just not cool. Maybe people had to say things like, "Stay temperate, always be a gent" and that's kind of lame. Plus, it's not a very good rhyme.


Thank god someone started using "cool" as a slang word! Do you think he (or she) stopped to think about all the potential rhymes 'cool" would spawn? Maybe he was leaning toward "icy" instead of "cool" but his more forward-thinking buddy said, "Hey, I rule, you drool, so use 'COOL' instead of 'ICY'!" This guy was so prescient that "cool" even rhymes well with slang no one could have anticipated, like "tool" as a pejorative term! Or maybe the person who pioneered the use of "tool" as an insult was equally rhyme-conscious? Either way, how lucky we were to have these amateur Frosts in our midst.


What does this all mean? Not much, I suppose. It's just intriguing how the cosmos played out with regards to language and how easily things could have been different. A little something to chew on the next time Bon Jovi rhymes "fight" with "right" for (seemingly) the one trillionth time.


Later, amphibious reptiles.

Monday, August 29, 2011

American Songwriter Magazine Honorable Mention

Glenn Page is pleased to announce that "My Life in Pictures" won an honorable mention in the September/October issue of American Songwriter Magazine's Amatuer Lyricist contest. This is something they run every other month and we're told they get tons of entries, so let's all congratulate Glenn on his accomplishment! Here are the chosen lyrics:


My Life in Pictures

Verse 1:
I saw your face in a picture frame
Turned around and the scene had changed
One fleeting vision come and gone
I boxed you in and tried to make it last
Spent my days living in the past
Why can’t this river be a pond

Where water portrays an image so clear
Untouched by the waves unbroken by tears

Chorus:
My life In pictures
That's where I long to be
Everything’s perfect
And nothing ever dies
My life in pictures
I'm watching the scenery
And somehow it’s worth it
‘Cause you never say goodbye
Oh, but this ain’t the way I pictured My life

Verse 2
Holding on to a photograph
Wondering what it was that made you laugh
Was it derision? I don’t mind
‘Cause in my head I told a joke
Made you smile with the words I spoke
And we went walking for awhile

Oh, then you took my hand and said you would stay
I can almost believe it happened that way

(Repeat chorus)

Bridge:
They say a picture’s worth a thousand words
Sometimes the words aren’t really true
And even though the camera doesn’t lie
Why’s it telling me / I belong with you?

(Repeat Chorus)
 
This ain’t the way that I pictured our life
 
 
Lyrics Copyright 2008 by Glenn Page
 
 
Check out more from Glenn here!

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Grinds, #1: The Transparent Bid to Boost Sales with a Pointless Reboot and a Snappier, Shorter, "Cooler" Name

* I want a car that's shaped like a blue triangle - so it'll match the little pointer thing on my GPS.


* Speaking of the GPS, when it hasn't been updated and it doesn't know there's a road where I'm driving, I like to look at the little arrow spinning around on a black screen and pretend I'm either (a) 4-wheeling though the woods while campers scream and run for their lives, or (b) on a lost spaceship travelling through the negative zone where there are no stars for millions of light years.


* Newsflash: After issuing a statement that this month's cover photo of Michele Bachmann is not unflattering, Newsweek released a sneak preview of next week's cover, which seems to feature an ailing Alan Greenspan. Oops, sorry, it's Heidi Klum.


* I'm glad that no one has those "baby on board" signs in their car windows anymore. Now I can slam into people with gleeful abandon safe in the knowledge that no infants will be harmed.


* You know things are getting out of hand when Woody Allen movies start getting released in Imax 3-D.


* My plan as a musician is not to create anything meaningful or lasting or important; my plan is that 25 years from now a sudden surge of random nostalgia will kick in and everyone will think I'm alot better than I am, just because they heard me while out on their first date or the first time they made french toast or something. THEN I'll cash in on the never-ending parade of boxsets and deluxe remasters!


* I'm angry, because the salesman SAID he was selling me the whole kit and kaboodle, but when I got home I discovered it was only the whole sha-bang. At least it wasn't the whole 9 yards, then I would have been really mad. Especially since I was buying rulers.


* Saw a commercial this morning in which 2 cheerleaders (via bad special effects) literally catapult a third cheerleader over an orbiting space shuttle! A tiny disclaimer at the bottom said - I'm not lying - "Do not attempt." Thank god they stopped me. ‎"I think we can make it this time guys... if we try just a LITTLE HARDER... here we GO... HUMMMMMMMMMMMMPH!!!!! Ah, damn. Still a few million miles short."


* Here's a game I never understood: Flashlight tag. How do you win? I don't think Carl Lewis in his prime could have done it. "HA HA! I GOTCHA!" "Aw, sh*t! I couldn't outrun a beam of light... I suck!"

Thursday, August 4, 2011