Drinking Song: Another Phony Sick Day

https://youtu.be/IN08Ldvai64


This drinking song is dedicated to all those folks who constantly call out sick at the drop of a hat and make the rest of us good, hard-working, salt of the earth folks pick up their damn slack. Words and Music by Glenn Page.

Intro:
La la la la la la la
La la la la la

Verse 1:
He looked fine when we last saw him
In the bar 'round 3am
And the last time that he called out
He came back with a tan

But he left the boss a voicemail
And he used his "I'm sick" cough
He said he fell and stubbed a toenail
And he needs the whole week off

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick
Another phony sick day
Man that guy won't quit
Pacino and DeNiro
Borrowed all his acting tricks
Another phony sick day
And I'm so sick of it

Verse 2:
He somehow picked up parvo
Though I'm sure he's not a pup
Food poisoning at S'barro
"Dude, I can't stop throwing up!"

Last week was the vapours
Next week he'll get gout
Or get nicked with his new razor
And damn-near bleed right out

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick
Another phony sick day
Man that guy won't quit
Pacino and DeNiro
Called and asked him for some tips
Another phony sick day
And I'm so sick of it

Bridge:
How could he still be walking
With health that's so debased?
He'd be inside a coffin
They'd shoot off into space
La la la la la la la
La la la la la

Verse 3:
Now he's back here at the office
And this time it's for real
He's sneezing and he's coughing
And hacking with great zeal

My temperature is rising
He shoulda stayed at home
Used up all his sick time
Now we've gotta use our own!
BECAUSE

Chorus:
He took another phony sick day
When he ain't really sick
Another phony sick day
Man that guy won't quit
Pacino and DeNiro
Ain't got nuthin' on this twit
Another phony sick day
And I'm so sick of it
He took another phony sick day
And we're so sick of it



Chords:

Intro:
A - E - B, A - E - E

Verse:
B - B - E - E
B - B - E - E
G#7- G#7 - c#m- c#m
F#7 - F#7 - B - B - B7

Chorus:
E - E - E - B
B - B - B - E
E - E - E7 - A
A - E - B,A - E - E

Bridge:
C - C - G - G
C - C - B - B
A - E - B,A - E - E

Words and Music by Glenn Page, copyright 2017.

Katy Perry: Having Your Cupcakes, and Eating Them Too

This new Katy Perry song "Chained to the Rhythm" bothers me on so many levels. People keep saying how "brave" and "edgy" Perry is for doing this song. What a bunch of bull! It's not brave or edgy to write a quasi-"protest" song when:

(a) You're now 32 years old and you realize at some point you're going to have to make a move towards "mature artist" territory if you want to remain commercially viable. You can't wear cupcakes on your boobs forever.

(b) The whole country is basically a sh*t-storm of social and political unrest, which means you're really just tapping into the zeitgeist. Your intentions may be good, but it's hardly a "brave" move.

(c) Your song, under the pretense of being "ironic," hedges its bets at every turn by telling people not to be mindless consumers, but couches the message in a loutish, party-anthem chorus which shouts "DRINK!!!" and cynically panders to the most mindless of pop consumers. Irony isn't a free pass for hypocrisy.

(d) Your song is dealing with old, worn-out stereotypes about how the middle class is too "comfortable" to see the harsh reality of the world around them, while blithely ignoring the fact that the middle class is seriously hurting in just about every respect, and I suspect is more aware of the world around them than ever before.

(e) You bemoan the steady stream of propaganda which keeps people oblivious and anesthetized. At the same time, you conveniently overlook that YOU yourself are a huge part of the machine that helps keeps people in that trance, and one safe, trivial protest song lacking the courage of its own convictions isn't going to do much to change that.
However, in other news, Lady Gaga's new song "John Wayne" is pretty good!

DRINK!!!

Album Reviews I Don't Even Need to Finish Reading, by Glenn Page

"For their fifth album, these indie darlings..."

 "Opening a lyrical vein for the world to see, he not so much sings, but mumbles, his tortured poetry over a muted musical soundscape which creates a rich tapestry of emotional pain and draws the listener further into the depths of..."

 "Combining their unique brand of fizzy alt-pop with the introspective smarts of Brooklyn-esque lo-fi and the savage grace of their post-emo contemporaries..."

 "On this, a welcome return-to-form..."

 "Over the course of nine solemn, dirge-like tracks, the band explores their rustic roots and shared love of Appalachian folklore..."

 "Kicking off the album with a quirky number about your significant other's taste in coffee drinks and favorite authors might seem odd to some, but..."

"Although ostensibly a jam band, their last release was a straight cover, from end-to-end, of Ke$ha's 'Warrior' album. Their latest, arriving a mere two months later, finds the band applying their formidable musical chops to Kenny Rogers, viewing him through a psychedelic prism and re-imagining the country icon's entire back catalog as..."

"Clearly inspired by punk visionaries like Green Day and Blink 182..."

"The pop princess shows us yet again that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, as no less than ten of the twelve songs on her new album rail at ex-lovers who dared..."

"Only two days into January, and already on most critics' lists as a fierce contender for 'best album of the year', no one is likely to top..."

"On edgy new tracks like 'F*ck All Bitches', this brilliant musical satirist turns a funhouse mirror on society and offers up a scathing indictment of consumerist culture..."

"No one can deny the 80s were, by and large, musically barren..."

"To all the naysayers who insist rock is dead, check out this stunning debut by..."

"Abandoning the intricate songcraft and multi-layered beauty that defined the bulk of their earlier work, the band opts for a more 'organic' sound this time around, banging out twelve warts-and-all numbers, most of which evolved from nine hours of jamming on two chords..."

"If Kurt Cobain had lived..."

Credit Card Chip Reader Blues - Do the Chip! by Glenn Page and Jonny Aldrich

For everyone who absolutely HATES those new credit card chip reader machines, I wrote a little blues number called "Do the Chip! (Chip Reader Blues)". Inspiration struck when a woman asked a cashier at the store, "Do you do the chip?" As soon as I heard that, I got right to writing. My friend Jonny and I (under our band name "Addie Dodge") recorded this rough demo of the tune. We may eventually record a "real" version of the song, but in the meantime, we had a lot of fun recording this early take. The lyrics and chords are below so you can follow along. Please be sure to comment and subscribe, and thanks for listening! Sincerely, Glenn

"Do the Chip!" (AKA: "Chip Reader Blues")
by Glenn Page

Performed by
Jonny Aldrich and Glenn Page



Verse 1:
First you put it in the base
Then you pull it out too soon
Then you make an angry face
Wondering what you're s'posed to do
Hey, if you like to wait,
Man this thing is great
You do the chip!
Let's do the chip!

Verse 2:
Well, they say it keeps us safe
But it's really for the banks
And for making people late
TelI Jamie Dimon I said "Thanks!"
Like Russians in the snow
It's art house movie slow
To do the chip!
You do the chip!

Bridge:
Yeah, we're all living on credit
'Cause that's just what they want
And to make sure they're protected
When the whole thing falls apart

Verse 3:
So you put it in the base
Then complain it takes too long
Stare the clerk right in the face
Like he hasn't heard that song
You ain't the head of state,
Hey buddy you can wait
To do the chip!
You do the chip!
It'll drive you crazy,
So COME ON BABY
Do the chip!!!

Intro:
E - D - A - A

Verse 1:
A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - E

Verse 2:
A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - A - A - A

Bridge 1:
D - D - B - B
D - D - E - E - E

Solo:
A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - A

Bridge 2:
D - D - B - B
D - D - E - E - E - E

Verse 3:
A - A - A - A
D - D - A - A
E - D - A - A

Coda:
E - D - A - A
E - D - A - A
A - A - A - A
E - D - A - A

Words and Music by Glenn Page, copyright 2016.
Click here to hear "Do the Chip!"

Mother's Day Song Lyrics: 100,000 Sandwiches

Last year I wrote and recorded a Father's Day song. This year I've been working on a Mother's Day song, but I didn't finish the lyrics in time for the holiday. Here they are. - Glenn


"100,000 Sandwiches"

100,000 sandwiches is what she made
A different sandwich every single day
Ham and swiss or tuna fish with mayonnaise
Your mother made one every single day

She would wake up early every morning
And packed your lunch while you were still in bed
And drew some funny faces without warning
Your friends all saw and you wished you were dead

But 100,000 sandwiches is what she made
A snack or two was tossed in every bag
Non-descript chips, I don't know which, I think they were Lay's
With carrot sticks to balance out your swag

You would save your favorite for the finish
And tried to trade your veggies with your friends
But you would never trade a single minute
Knowing what you know now
If you knew it then

That even when she spread herself too thin
She still got up to do it all again

And 100,000 sandwiches were custom-made
Peanut butter with a little j
Cut in two and crust removed, you had it made
'Cause your mother loved you every single day
Yeah, your mother loved you every single day
100,000 times more than words can say


- Glenn Page, May, 2015

Song Lyrics: The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

I was recently asked to pen some humorous lyrics for a song about world peace. On the surface, this may seem like it's not that hard, but it's actually trickier than it seems. Humor is not always universal, and, of course, world peace is supposed to be. Plus, world peace is a very serious subject, involving lots of different cultures and beliefs, so it's hard to interject levity into the topic without potentially offending someone. So it was a bit of a challenge.


Still, I figured I'd give it a go. Although I know virtually nothing about sports, I decided to use the recent "DeflateGate" controversy as a starting point. Here's what I came up with.

The World's a Deflated Football (Just a Game)

Verse1:

The world's a deflated football
Blindly hurtling through space
Will it touch down gently
Or hit Marcia in the face?

The crowds are getting rowdy
Cheering wildly for their teams
Obscenities are flying
Don't even know what that one means

Pre-Chorus:

But somehow I know that things will be all right
When the morning comes we'll only see highlights

Chorus:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
Though we stumble and fumble and generally act lame
Oh it's all
(All, all, all)
Just a game

Verse 2:

The world is a poker table
But the stakes can get too high
It ought to be more friendly
Like a night out with the guys

Sometimes you might get angry
Or call someone a jerk
But the next day it means nothing
When you see them back at work

Pre-Chorus 2:

And somehow I know that things will be all right
Forget that you bet on your wedding ring last night

Chorus 2:

'Cause it's all
Just a game
And we're all
Still the same
All in with two fours like we've suddenly lost our brains
In the end,
(Don't you know)
It's just a game

Bridge:

And everyone in the world
Is on the same team
The flames on our shirts may look cooler,
But it's the same team

Chorus 3:

And it's all,
Just a game...
Yeah, we're all,
Still the same
Put some air in this ball, we can play with it in the rain
'Cause it's all..
(All all all)
Just a game
Just a game

-Glenn Page, January 2015